Like a Virgin
by Glitzerelfe
Summary: Only a few days left until Edward has to keep his promise concerning the wedding night. But it seems to be a big problem to him and therefore he asks his "brothers" and Carlisle for advice...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Twilight, but the storyline of this story.

Translated by two of my friends, K+M

Chapter One

It was a day like any other. In the morning the sun had risen and gone to the South throughout the day and now it was slowly going down in the West. You couldn't hear any sounds of animals in the woods around our house - as always - it seemed as if they sensed or assumed the danger that emerged from our presence. Alice and Jasper were hunting together and Esme had made Rose to help her tidy up our - of course neatly shining - living room, but which seemed to end up in a complete furniture-changing. As I said: a day like everyone else.

I was standing in the middle of my, our, room - after all, I was sharing this bright, light-floated room with the most wonderful and at the same time prickliest non-human on earth.

I was bored because I was neither hungry nor was there anybody who would go out hunting and startling roes with me. It made no sense trying to find Alice and Jasper to accompany them on their little trip. They might spend the whole afternoon together somewhere in the woods, enjoying their little privacy and not only satisfying their bloodlust.

Gee, where was Rosie, when you needed her?

"Don't let her hear that!"

Edward's voice suddenly sounded from the other side of the room and as I turned around, he stood there with his arms crossed and an impudent mysterious smile on his lips. He and his never-ending eavesdropping. And **he** called Alice a "freak"…

"I heard that!"

_I know, how could I forget?_

Sometimes I asked myself if there wasn't a way to make him go deaf. Others wish for their bugging brothers to remain silent, I wish him to be deaf, nice thought…

_If Esme let her, she would have time for me for hours._

I grinned and thought of some very clear pictures of my extraordinary pretty wife, but without all those stylish crap_…_

I could drive him crazy with things like that and use his own gift against him.

Usually. But today he didn't move an inch and continued staring at me with his agonizing – sometimes stupid – gaze.

Where did "a day like everyone else" go?

"I meant that part about 'Rosie'."

Not knowing what to respond, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and considered - Edward could hear it, of course - if he might want to frighten some roes or want to go "fighting" outside.

But even before Edward shook his head as a response to a question I never asked, I rejected my own plan.

Although I was the taller one, and definitely the stronger one - an offended murmuring was audible – Edward won nearly every match.

If he just didn't have this gift to hear, see or know what I was about to do, I would defeat him, for sure.

I could throw him out of the open window, just for fun.

He wouldn't get hurt, he was too smart for that, but it would make me a little less bored.

A smile appeared on my lips, but my euphoria was short-lived.

"Forget it!" were the only words he addressed to me as he made a few steps across the room and closed the window.

He knew that I wouldn't throw him through the glass. First, he was my brother. Second, Esme would personally call me to account for wrecking her beautiful house. And nothing was worse than a woman's anger, something I learned during the decades with Rosalie.

And even if Esme wasn't somebody who was easily raged, the wrecking of her furniture was like a declaration of war.

_What do you want? Some productive suggests to kill time?_

Which would be strange because Edward did always know how to fill his 24 hours-a-day. School: eight hours. Watching his beloved Bella while she's asleep: again at least nine hours, although I couldn't imagine that this girl really sleeps so much. She was after all a teenager and I'd gone to high school long enough to know that going to bed at 10 o'clock wasn't high on their list of priorities.

The rest of his day would be filled with hunting, rescuing Bella out of her own clumsiness and being lost in self-doubts and selflessness if this stinking dog-wolf-guy was involved again.

Though another activity had filled his time the last weeks: Keeping Alice from interpreting the word "simple" very vague and planning the upcoming wedding for Versailles or elsewhere.

I reaped a long-suffering nod.

"If I let Alice do what she wants, I'm sure that I'm going to be alone in front of the altar because she scared my fiancée away."

Yes, I'd got the same impression of Bella. Make sure that she'd be the glamorous center of attraction and carry her on your arms and she will hate you. Do the same and your name is Edward and she will love you.

I instinctively smiled and only just managed not to chuckle but my suppressed snorting wasn't the only audible one.

"Nice that you're having fun by hearing my thoughts.", I said superfluously and I only failed to put an angry undertone into my voice.

_So, what do you want?_

_Either you are planning the biggest bank-robbery ever and you want me to help you, or something different, extremely important must be the reason. So come out with it already!_

And Edward did something I've never seen from him before. He lowered his eyes and stared at his feet, as if they were the most exciting things on earth.

_Let's hear what mixes you up!_

Or not because when I approached him - of course not with human speed that's why you could say sprinted, too - and punched him in the side he didn't move, either. Edward has always been odd, as long as I knew him, but today he was acting strangely - even for him.

_My little brother isn't afraid of the upcoming wedding, is he?_

Again a growl. Either because of the impossibility of giving up what had cost him a lot of charm and persuasiveness, or because I called him "little brother" .

In fact, he was my little brother. I looked older than him, was in a higher class in school - certainly not because I skipped a class - and I was taller than him.

"But I **am** older!"

_Okay, okay, grandpa. When is your hundredth birthday again?_

But we were drifting off-topic in a way, that let Edward both sigh of relief and frown as if it bothered him. I didn't have the gift to understand other people's moods, but to realize that I didn't need to be called Jasper.

_What's up? Afraid of the words: "Yes, I do?"_

_Believe me, it's really easy. Rosie and I have done it a thousand times._

I beamed at him and he glanced back thinking of the uncountable registry offices in the country. But his smile disappeared as fast as it had turned up.

"Less of that…" he admitted strained.

God, was he making it difficult today.

_But of…?_

I made a gesture to invite him to complete his sentence.

"… the wedding night!"

I stared at him in mute disbelief, but it lasted only a few seconds before I burst out laughing. He, "the most dangerous predator in the world" - well, I did hear it more than once, when he tried to convince Bella that he was a "killer" - was seriously afraid of spending the night with his bride.

Who could remain earnest? Not me, and if I hadn't been a "dangerous predator", too, I would have laughed till I cried.

But it wasn't the reaction, Edward had hoped for because he grinded his teeth and hissed a "Thanks for your sympathy!" which made me realize that he managed to cheer me up but it didn't work in return.

_Sorry, but you could be the lousiest lover ever and Bella wouldn't even think of _

_a divorce. Apart from that she might not have many others to compare you with._

"You don't see the point!", Edward responded groaning and crossed his arms, which he had lowered while he told me what had him mixed up, in front of his chest again.

_Yes that's right._

I admitted that, but I couldn't do without poking at him again.

_Rosie and I have never had problems with having fun!_

And we hadn't had problems with confessing to Esme and Carlisle that we had wrecked our wedding present - a tiny cottage - in less than a week. You wouldn't believe it due to her seemingly cold-hearted appearance, but she was full of concentrated passion.

"Please…"

If I had thought he's been bugged before I had to correct myself. He was bugged **right now**!

"… spare me those things and your choice of words in particular. The book you copied that from must have been pretty cheap. 'Concentrated passion'… pft"

He breathed through his nearly closed lips and looked me in the eyes. His look gave me a simple choice. Either, I talked seriously about his problem, or I'd lost the challenge.

_Why… EXACTLY… do you mind?_

My best therapists-smile appeared and I offered him the second chair while I was sitting down on another one. Not that I'd sat in one of those chairs before or that we would need something like that, but Esme insisted on having them. We had to have exactly those chairs, no matter what. For lack of other rooms without at least three unused seats she placed them into our room.

_You aren't afraid of getting hurt, right?_

And so my seriousness was gone. Ahe impression alone of Bella, trying to hurt Edward physically was a reason to smile. She could give her best, anyway, could attack him with an iron bar, but she would rather break her bones than dishevel even one of Edward's perfectly-styled hair.

"Rather the other way round." his voice sounded toneless, as if he as fighting himself whether he should ignore the rest of my thoughts or should break out in laughter with me.

_You could be careful. Women like caring men._

I interrupted my laughter to growl, though I purposely made it sound less like myself but another more squeaky female voice.

"You don't get it!..." he repeated and vanished.

I stood there, still laughing and gazed after him. I seemed to have lost.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Dusk was already falling as I entered our room through the opened window. Alice and I had been out hunting the whole day, and we had done something else, too. Strictly speaking, we had done more something else than hunting in the end.

"I have to change my dress!", I heard Alice's high and always happy voice beside me, but a wave of superficial annoyance overcame me and as I turned around, I immediately saw the reason for it.

With a determined expression on her face she desperately rubbed the hem of her shirt and I saw at once that a not-so-small spot of blood had found its way onto the light blue.

Alice hated it if her clothes weren't perfect or did not fit together and this spot of dried brown obviously didn't match her idea of "perfect". I couldn't help but cast an amused smile, 'cause Alice reminded me of a mixture of the pixie she definitely was, and a fury who was on the verge of attacking her shirt. What I couldn't understand because she wouldn't even wear this shirt again. What she wore today wouldn't be good enough for the next - let's say hundred weeks and then it wouldn't be fashionable anymore and there would be no thinking of wearing it again, anyway.

"Take it as an invitation to dress yourself in something new and beautiful", I tried to cheer her up verbally.

"It's not an invitation but a duty. I can't show up like this anywhere!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed slightly theatrically. As I said, I couldn't understand Alice, so I gave in any-way. You couldn't understand her, only worship the ground she walks on.

"I'll wait in the living room," I murmured and headed towards the door. It wasn't necessary to leave the room, only because my - currently girlfriend, in other times already my wife - wanted to change her top. But since I, or rather we are part of the Cullen family, I got into the habit of granting some privacy, which had been unknown to me for decades.

"Oh oh."

I turned immediately, a bit more hectic than necessary, as I always did when Alice made an anxious sound, no matter what her emotions seemed to display. An old habit that would never die.

But I didn't need to have a special talent to interpret the broad smile that followed the blank expression. " Have fun with Edward," she told me/said mysteriously and pushed me out of the room with both hands, but not without giving me a kiss on my cheek. Moments later I found myself standing in front of a closed door in the corridor.

Not that five inches of wood would be an obstacle to me, but I'd learned that Esme would freak out/would make your life miserable, if you destroyed her house. Sighing I made my way downstairs, knowing that I had no other options left than trying to find the meaning behind Alice's words using the most obvious of tactics: going into the living room and waiting for Edward to find me. If there were no humans watching I could rarely force myself to sit down. Especially not, after I had found out that I would need a quarter of a second longer to reach Alice upstairs, if I had sat on the couch before.

I didn't have to wait long to be found because I nearly bumped into Edward who was standing in the doorframe with his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed and let me participate in his bad mood, friendly as he was.

"As friendly as you are screaming your thoughts at me and at least just as deliberately!", he commented my thoughts, he probably had recorded since Alice had shut the door to make me face my doom alone.

_Bad mood?_

What a superfluous question.

"How right you are, extremely superfluous!"

His mood was even better than I had expected, virtually beaming.

And since when was I this sarcastic?

"Always!"

A dark, threatening snarl emerged from my throat and without moving, I looked straight into his eyes. Another habit I could barely give up. When I sensed subliminal aggression I was forced to stare at my opponent without a break.

_What do you want, Edward?_

It had to be something urgent, according to his facial expression and something funny according to Alice's vision. Although it didn't have to be funny only because my pixie laughed about it. Alice laughed about so many things.

For example shopping.

New clothes. I could still hear her saying: "The same shirt in two different colors, that's funny, isn't it?" No.

Bella.

Okay, I could laugh about Bella, too. Every time she wasn't around to witness it and I heard stories about her sporting skills, which only stood out because they were non-existent.

Edward relaxed his shoulders a bit and breathed a sigh of relief. Absolutely superfluous. We need air only to be able to talk.

"I thought Alice had told you already."

_Obviously not._

"Good. And bad again, because you simply could have given me an answer."

The relief had disappeared and instead there was - was it possible? - shame. But my senses, even my supernatural one had never fooled me before.

"I just wanted to ask you something."

He had read his own feelings in my mind and tried to suppress them now.

What proved to be difficult because I hadn't met anyone yet who had been able to distort his own feelings without me noticing. Edward, however, was easier to trick. Alice told me to translate the Bible from Hebraic into French in my mind. The problem was that I neither spoke Hebraic nor French. So I had gotten into the habit of reciting every poem and story of Edgar Allan Poe. They served their purpose in keeping me occupied due to the immense amount of blood in them, so that I couldn't think of anything else.

"Only you think so…"

A spiteful grin appeared on Edwards face and he added: "It's essentially more effective if you act like Carlisle. When he translates his last doctoral thesis into Latin, it's at least interesting."

I grumbled and ignored his last comment. I didn't want to think about what he might have seen already.

_What did you want to ask?_

Enough small talk for today.

"It's about the first night after the wedding, with Bella. And if you laugh, I swear, I'll throw you across the room!"

_I highly doubt that you will succeed to do that._

An amused smile appeared on my lips. I did fight with Emmett just for fun, but now, that he mentioned it, I realized that I hadn't had a real fight with Edward. But compared to how easily he treated my taller, literally younger brother, it would be interesting. But I decided that the living room wasn't the right place to prove that, especially considering the time. Carlisle could step into the room every minute now.

"Wise decision."

He returned my stare a bit saucy and still filled up with anger and nervousness.

_I won't laugh, promised._

It was easily said, I didn't even know what this all was about yet, but my curiosity was stimulated and let me easily state this promise, even mentally.

"She wants me to … with her … before she changes."

As always, Edward spoke in riddles, or better in gaps, which was pretty good because I was awesome at completing unfinished sentences, in whose production I had a Master myself.

I was silent and waited for him to go on speaking, but all I heard was silence, except from Esme's quiet whistling somewhere in the kitchen, Alice's chuckling upstairs and Emmett's and Rosalie's… no, I really didn't want to hear **that**!

_Where's the question?_

He sighed deeply, his shoulders dropping for a moment of resignation.

"Am I the only one who sees a problem in this?"

Apart from the fact that his relationship with Bella actually was a problem since it'd begun and would always be until Bella gave up her mortality, no, I didn't see a problem.

_Should I?_

"Maybe there is none, that's why I'm asking. I don't know how it's gonna be. How much I'm gonna lose control."

It suddenly dawned on me what it was all about, but due to the irony I saw in this situation, I couldn't help but give a short laugh which I tried to conceal in a growl. But Edward could read minds, he would know that I hadn't laughed at him.

_You come to me to ask questions about self-control? I don't see, how I could be of any help._

"Emmett wasn't even able to understand my problem…"

Okay, so I was second choice, should it comfort me or make me angry?

"I just want to know, how strong this feeling will be."

_Very strong._

Simple questions need to be answered simply. Or should I add something explanatory? But much more important was the question why he didn't know. Well, I had never seen him flirt with anyone, not even for fun.

His teeth crushed together and his sudden anxiety hit me like a punch in my face. If I were him I would have declared a state of emergency, but I wasn't. I wouldn't even have managed to kiss a human without wanting to rip it into pieces. To say nothing of the fact that he'd seen Bella bleeding more than once. The fact that she was still alive said something for his control.

He nodded weakly, because he had followed my thoughts, but he didn't seem to be convinced of my thesis that he would manage it somehow. And I couldn't blame him for that. Strictly speaking I was very happy that Alice wasn't as fragile as she looked. On the contrary.

For example I had to think of this afternoon and of the trees that now decorated the forest soil as firewood. Alice could be such a beast if she wanted to. Luckily she wanted to very often, 'cause I love the little beast…

"STOP IT!"

Edward nearly jumped at me as he shouted. He could count himself lucky because I would guarantee for nothing when someone attacked me like this.

"It is worse enough to know how often Alice thinks of it. I have no wish whatsoever to hear it from you, too!" His eyes sparkled in dark anger and for a moment I got the impression of a little boy, who put his hands over his ears if he didn't want to hear something.

"I wish it would be that easy…"

I had to admit that it would also drive me crazy if I had to hear the love life of the rest of my family. It was already bad enough if Emmett and Rose, who shared of all rooms the one next to ours, could hardly wait to wait… I was cursed with this extraordinary hearing, to say nothing of having to hurry away in order to not lose control over my urges when seeing one of Alice's pixie movements.

I hated feeling what others felt, but I admitted that Alice could be very inspiring when we had sex.

And she insisted that it would be essentially more relaxing, if Emmett and Rose…

"Didn't I make myself clear enough?" Anger interrupted my thoughts, so strong that I nearly bared my teeth.

"I didn't want to know **what** you are doing, I just wanted to know what's the probability of killing Bella. Just to consider if I should rather break my promise in this exceptional case."

Wow, Edward hadn't said so much to me at once for a while now.

_I think, you'll manage to bring her back from your honeymoon alive,_ I tried to comfort him and decided to calm down his excitement, too.

Because I wasn't as sure as I pretended to be.

When I thought of Alice, and how I crashed her into that tree…

"Jasper!" a growling and teeth-gnashing filled the room and I thought for the first time that Edward really sounded like a vampire and not only like a beefing teenager who tried to sound threatening.

"At least you didn't laugh" he murmured strained as he passed by me and disappeared into Carlisle's office, obviously to wait for him.

As soon as he had closed the door, Alice pranced twinkle-toed downstairs and was completely new dressed - she'd only wanted to change her top.

"I didn't find a shirt that matched my pants." she defended herself and took my hand to pull me towards the couch.

"You wore jeans." I tried to raise just one eyebrow, but that wasn't one of my strong suits so I just gave her a questioning look.

"But they matched nothing, Jazz, you don't understand that!"

And she was right, as always, I didn't even understand her!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I turned the key inside the lock and heard the click, when every pin engaged its position. Unnecessarily, the front door had a lock like every normal door, which could only be opened - apart from using brute force – with a key.

I'd often imagined how it would turn out, if thieves found the way to our house and tried to break in and I had come to the conclusion that Rosalie would curse them away after Emmett had frightened them to death - just for fun, of course. Just like everything he did was just for fun.

"I'm home!", I shouted while I was standing in the corridor hanging my coat onto the coat rack. They had probably heard me the moment I had driven into the garage, if not even earlier, but I had gotten into the habit, but I did it anyway. Why should I let them take away this tiny bit of pleasure just because my children knew I was coming home as soon as I decided to leave the hospital, or because they heard my thoughts before I even reached the entry or because they already knew my mood although I hadn't said a word yet?

"Hi darling," my wife greeted me and I felt her lank fingers on my shoulder. "Did you have a good day?" Her beaming face appeared in front of me and I found myself in an embrace I happily returned. I gazed over her shoulder and saw Jasper smiling at me and Alice, whose only reason not to jump around on the couch in excitement of my arrival was that she would have to break away from Jasper to do so.

"As always, nothing special!" I replied and gave Esme a kiss on her cheek.

"Edward's waiting in your office," Alice chuckled and winked, "He wants to talk to you!"

She already knew why Edward wanted to talk to me and what would happen as soon as I went to keep him company, but she didn't seem to be in the mood to tell me.

"All right…", I apologized to Esme and went soundlessly into my tiny - in relation to the other rooms - office, which was full of books about medicine, music, arts and history.

The fading sunlight floated the room and turned it into a dim orange. Edward stood leaning against the wall opposite the door and seemed to be resigned and anxious, well, this might probably described it best.

_Alice told me…_

" Yeah, I heard!!" he interrupted me which was quite unusual. However, he didn't seem to be in the mood to make small-talk today. I crossed the room and sat down into my heavy, black leather-chair. Not that I needed to relax, but I loved to sit in it and I welcomed Edward to sit down, too.

_What is on your mind?_

I was used to see him anxious for years because it was - unfortunately - a permanent state of affairs, but recently, after Bella had agreed to his proposal, he seemed to have lost a bit of his self-loathing mood.

Unusual and highly interesting. I hoped Bella hadn't back-pedaled, but…

"No, she didn't!"

… I hadn't assessed her that way and I rarely misjudged a person. I thought that I had a good knowledge of human nature. I tried to suppress a chuckle but I couldn't control myself and so I found the paradox fact funny what a good knowledge I had in every respect. Sometimes it was hard to keep one's own thoughts serious although you knew the other person heard everything as if you had said it out loud.

"Something you're able to do better than anyone else," Edward mumbled and avoided looking me in the eyes.

There were only two reasons for him to avoid my gaze. Either he was afraid of me, which would be absurd because I heard the rest of my family being in a good mood. And if there had been a bloodbath in Forks, I, the medical examiner of the ridiculously small emergency room of Forks Hospital, would have been informed first.

These were the only reasons I could think of, why Edward would expect me to be angry with him.

"Correct," Edward confirmed my guess, but let me develop my own thoughts, seemingly not intending to help me out and tell me right away. So there was only number two left. He couldn't manage to look me in the eyes because what he wanted to discuss with me was too embarrassing for him.

"Correct again," he mumbled. He was the mind-reader of the two of us, but sometimes it was quite easy to see through him. But there was one question left.

_Shall we go into the woods, where nobody can hear us?_

Whatever had made him too embarrassed to tell me, probably shouldn't be overheard by anybody else.

"Alice knows everything and I already told Emmett and Jasper, which means that Rose will torture it out of one of them and Esme…" He stopped for a moment and looked at me with his piercing gaze.

… _will be told by me later._

I completed his sentence in my mind and he didn't even bother to give a nod.

But what really surprised me was the fact that he had already talked to his brothers while he gave the impression that it was hard for him to talk about whatever it was with me.

"It is hard, but…" he stopped, apparently searching for the right words.

"I hoped they would understand me and I could prevent this conversation now."

I mumbled something incomprehensible from which I didn't even know what it meant apart from sounding contemplative.

_So give rein to everything you worry about and I will be as serious as your worries require._

I smiled at him encouragingly. Whatever it was that worried him, I would try my best to find a solution for his problems and find answers to his questions.

"Thanks, Dad."

Ah, so that was how the land lies. It occurred to me while Edward was frowning and allowing himself a moment of silence.

It was a conversation between father and son. Of course also from friend to friend, but he rather sought my advice as a father, otherwise he would have addressed me, as always, by my first name, or not at all.

As much as such moments made my heart beat faster - I could swear it really started to beat again - this simple word "dad" burdened me with more responsibility than I already had.

"It's about Bella and me … and …"

Sometimes it was really annoying that he had accustomed himself to always beat around the bush. Whatever it was about he started with the point farthest away from it.

_So say it!_

I summoned him before he could start to mumble about my previous thoughts.

"… sex," he finally completed his sentence and avoided my gaze again.

I sighed, but not from resignation, there rather was an amused undertone to it.

This moment made me feel like every normal father who had to give his son the lecture he had waited for years to give. With the exception that every normal father didn't have to wait over ninety years. I allowed myself to listen to the silence until it wasn't silence anymore but I could hear Alice's continuous but penetrative giggling from the adjoining room. So now it was time to relive my own 300 years of experience to enlighten Edward.

" Actually I didn't want to listen for that long!"

He looked agonized and I imagined both of us sitting unchanged in those very chairs the next evening and I had just told about half of it.

"Really, not that long!"

_All right. But we should start at the beginning, though. You do know how it's done, right? Theoretically?_

I got an eye-roll in return and a gaze that asked me in a very reproachful way if I had seriously just asked him this question.

"I really should - after two study degrees in medicine."

_Convinced._

"Besides, I had enough biology classes for the rest of my eternal life."

I chuckled. Did he know that he could really be unintentionally funny if his facial expression became independent and highlighted his words with impressionable wrenches of his face.

A rumbling – certainly not from an oncoming thunderstorm - reminded me who sat in the opposite chair and that I should be careful in choosing my thoughts.

_Let's skip the lecture and listen to my most important advice: go hunting beforehand!_

"I would have done that anyway!" he responded not really enthusiastically and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"You should rather tell me, what's the probability that Bella doesn't survive that night."

He was obviously deadly serious about it and it seemed to worry him more than I had initially assumed, although I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of him. Because he fretted exactly enough for someone who wanted to act responsibly in such a situation. Not that I had ever expected anything less from Edward.

"You are giving me way too much credit, Carlisle. The fact that I agreed to her conditions shows how incautious and careless I handle my promises."

And I reckoned that he meant every word exactly as he had said it, what, however, let me give a deep sigh.

_I assumed we had already passed that phase._

I forced a smile on my face but had to be careful that a simple smile wouldn't grow into a broad, satisfied grin.

How could I ever have assumed that the problems I had to deal with would differ from the ones other - normal - families deal with?

There was not much to distinguish, only the contents. Humans worried about unwanted pregnancy, Edward worried about an early death of his wife during the wedding night…

" That's rather a weak comparison," he startled me out of my thoughts.

_You should just be careful and remind yourself that human bones are extremely fragile._

One or two broken ribs wouldn't cause Bella's death but I doubted - and the sudden pain on his face confirmed my suggest - that Edward would survive his own self-reproach and upcoming self-hatred, if he thought he was the reason for Bella's pain.

"I had hoped for a bit more encouragement."

_Your problems won't last for long, if Bella is still in a hurry to get frozen at her age._

Maybe not exactly what he had wanted to hear but I couldn't think of anything better to say. He had decided that he couldn't live without her and Bella had decided that she couldn't live without him and, moreover, that she didn't want to grow older. So why not face the only thing that allowed both of them to fulfill their wishes?

"You're right. As so often." It was a barely audible mumbling and that I was able to understand the words was due to my excellent hearing.

_So often? Not always?_

It was hard to think of something that might give Edward the impression of me being seriously hurt, but just before he could reproach himself again - obviously an inappropriate moment - I beamed a soft smile at him.

_Indeed, I cannot tell you from my personal experience, how it is going to be for you and Bella, but I trust you and your self-control and you should do the same._

If I was giving him too much credit, he was definitely giving himself too little.

_Believe me, afterwards it will be much easier and you don't have to restrain yourself._

I hoped it was clear to him which event I meant. He could rely on my words, it was wonderful, if you didn't have to sleep, weren't dependent on nighttime peace, didn't get tired or exhausted. I could barely remember my days as a human several centuries ago, but I often wondered how people could be satisfied, if they were so exhausted after an hour tops - depending on their condition - that they couldn't even manage to strain any of another muscles.

One hour, Esme was just getting started then…

"Please don't. Not you too!"

Seemingly shocked and disgusted by the image he had seen in my mind he shook his head.

_I didn't even think about it, if you knew, how your mother…_

"Right. She's my mother. And that's why I don't want you to think any further! And don't visualize it!"

But now, as I steadily thought about it, it was extremely hard to concentrate on something without thinking of my wishes and reminiscences. What I could comprehend, however, was my sudden verve to finish this conversation. There were a lot of things I didn't want Edward to see through my eyes, to see at all.

After all it was my wife we were talking about.

"I had better go now. And I won't come back at all tonight."

He rose from his chair and stared at me with a fathomless gaze and for a moment it seemed as if he wanted to say something, but then he turned around and went - even for human standards - very slowly towards the door.

I waited until I heard his steps in the corridor before I let my imagination run wild. Hopefully, Esme had finished her monthly rearrangement of our house, at least for the next four or five hours.

"Carlisle!" Edwards yell sounded through the whole house. "Wait until I'm too far away to hear your thoughts!"

The next sound I heard was Edward slamming the front door and roaring laughter coming from every corner of the house. Emmett and Jasper had obviously guessed what he could have meant. I really should have a serious talk about respect inside the family with them because vociferous laughing at another family member didn't match my idea of "respect".

I should probably talk to Edward again, when I had thought a little more about his question.

But all this could wait because I had other things on my mind that requested immediate implementation.


End file.
